No, that’s actually a cardigan with a hood

No to zips

The hoody is a simple beast, which is why it’s so lovely. There are no optional extras. There are no crass additions, flashy extensions or self-indulgent appendages. It’s just a simple piece of clothing.

Below we’ve written a breakdown of its major elements to prove it. It didn’t take us long.

A hoody is a sweatshirt with:

  1. A hood
  2. A front muff pocket
  3. A drawstring to adjust the hood

That’s basically it.

Now, at this point some of you may have noticed that there was no mention of any zip. There is a reason for that. If you put a zip on a hoody it becomes a cardigan with a hood. It is most definitely no longer a hoody. The garment is now a cardigan and should be treated as such.

No to this zip

Adding a zip to a hoody is like adding a conservatory to a country cottage, or putting a personal number plate on a Rolls Royce, or recording a cover version of The Pogues’ ‘Fairytale Of New York’ (shame on you, Ronan Keating).

Don’t get us wrong, we don’t hate zips and we’ve no intention of starting a relentless vendetta against the zip and all that it stands for. The zip is a fantastic and wondrous thing of practical beauty; as long as it’s in the right place. The right place isn’t on a hoody.

No to this zip too

Anyway, half the charm and fun of the hoody is pulling it over your head and marvelling at the mess it makes of your hair.